// 0003 Important lessons from flat earthers

Before we get into this man… seriously. Don’t take me for a flat tard.

I think I’m probably more open minded than the average person, but I’ve been looking into this whole thing for a while, and, I gotta say… Unless you’ve dug into both sides of it, you shouldn’t strut around like you’re the almighty. You just hear Neil deGrasse Tyson say “it ain’t so” and suddenly, you’re parroting his arguments like they are creed from god himself. The man who couldn’t explain gravity on his best day. For shit (look it up).

Yeah, OF COURSE you’re gonna have a knee jerk reaction to the idea of the earth being flat. That’s a given. You’ve been conditioned your whole life to react that way (care to take control of your thoughts for once, cookie cutter?). The question is, have you checked the facts? Have you done your research?

I don’t need your answer. I already know the answer, which is why I’m prepared to raise some hell and ruffle some feathers if need be.

I’m not saying I’m a flat earther. Frankly, I don’t know what the shape of the earth is. I haven’t been out to space (and if you’re reading this, chances are you haven’t either – only 500 to 600 people, in all of history, have – Google it for yourself).

But that’s about the ONLY sensible conclusion you can come to after doing some basic digging. You don’t know. I don’t know. And, it’s not like we’re owed the truth by a government agency.

So, here are my top lessons from flat earthers.

Question everything

How the FUCK could you possibly think what you were taught in school was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Oh, you thought you were getting an education, that you were entitled to the facts because you paid a bunch of money. Did you ever research WHO started the school system as we know it today? Do you know WHY he started it?

And, no, I’m not fucking using “he” as a catch all pronoun. Don’t bring that political wrongness into this discussion. Please. Leave it alone.

Okay, so get out your pocket calculator and program that TI-83 to dogpile Mr. Google. Who was the education system created by? Did you find it yet? It was started by Horace Mann. I don’t know him from Adam, do you? I don’t trust this man to create a curriculum for my life, do you?

Tell me this doesn’t grind your gears – Mann thought that unruly children should be turned into disciplined and judicious republican citizens. That’s why he created the system. What the fuck? It’s on Wikipedia, bro. Who the FUCK is Mann to talk about other people’s children? Not to mention, he wanted to push his political agenda on them. Christ.

And, while the language you’ll find on other sites has been prettied up a bunch (celebrate the accomplishments of Mann or you’re a blight on society), no matter how much makeup you apply to a pig, you’ve still got yourself a bonified Floyd. We don’t need no education…

You can do your own digging and agree to disagree (don’t give me shit unless you’ve done your homework), but the education system was put in place to make us factory workers man. And, it wasn’t created to foster an open environment of learning. We all got spoon fed from the same barrel of barf they update occasionally to reflect the slight change in their agenda. What else?

You weren’t given access to the truth. You couldn’t handle it. You got the history in chunks, my friend. BELIEVE it. They ain’t gonna teach you or me the R and X rated versions of history – the real versions – especially when we aren’t even old enough to drink.

You thought you knew a thing or two about World War II? Fuck off. Go do some real research now that you’re an adult.

It is healthy to question everything? It ain’t just healthy, man. It’s necessary if you wanna get to the bottom of it all.

Flat earthers have realized this. They questioned one thing and suddenly saw the sweater start to unravel, and what they found beneath was more than a little compelling.

Facts aren’t facts

I already know people are gonna have a heart attack over this (except for the few who’ve realized this for themselves), so let’s take it in stride, shall we?

You’ve heard before that science is just the best answers for what we know today, and it’s continually updated as new findings present themselves. Nobody has an issue with that kind of change.

The distance from the earth to sun is the perfect example. Today’s it’s accepted that “The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace…” and it’s approximately 93 million miles away (92.96 million miles if you want to be more precise). But it wasn’t always that way. Nope. The figures kept changing through the ages. 1 million. 10 million. 50 million. 80 million. Go do your research, fuck tard.

Okay. So, I get that we can supposedly use math and instruments to figure out the sun's distance from earth. The only problem? No one has fuckin’ taken a tape measure from the earth to the sun to verify this fable parading around as a fact. I didn’t do it. You didn’t do it. Who did it? No one did.

Forget the “logistical” impossibility here, because frankly how do you know the sun gets hotter as you get closer to it? That makes no fucking sense, because apparently once you leave the atmosphere of earth, you go directly into a vacuum (and apparently, it’s 2.7 Kelvin – they made that measurement up just to describe how cold it is). Because we see that in nature every day. It makes way more sense to think the sun is localized, not that there’s an arbitrary barrier between us and it. Care to explain to me how your model is simpler than that?

And, again, who are we counting on to confirm this? Some physicist mired in history you never met (who may have had his own agenda in sharing his point of view)? Someone who’s never been to the sun? Oh, really? You trust that guy? The one who sat in his ivory tower talking and thinking about theories instead of going out and confirming the simplicity of the reality we experience every single day? That guy was too chicken shit to get into a spaceship, trust. You’re saying you’re gonna trust that guy. Really.

In saying that, I know I’ve got fingers pointing right back at me. I’m not asking you to trust me any more than you trust Einstein. But fuck. Show me the damn tape measure before you go spouting off about facts any Jeopardy contestant would know. Memorizing facts doesn’t make you smart.

There are plenty of other facts that aren’t facts. We encounter them every single day. One day bacon is good for you. The next day they say you shouldn’t eat fruit because of the sugars. If you can’t see that you’re a little kid circling in a teacup of lies, I don’t know if I can help you.

And, while I’m at it, don’t get your panties in a bunch over the term “they”. We all know who “they” is. It’s the powers that be. You can deny them. You can pretend they don’t exist. But that doesn’t make them go away. Although I admit they do a damn good job of hiding.

Now, even if what I’m saying is true, it doesn’t automatically make the earth flat. You gotta call a spade a spade, but if I’m right, it does call some things into question, don’t you think?

Do your own homework

Flat earthers are quite possibly some of the smartest, most educated people you will find. By now, you can find dozens of debates on YouTube to confirm this for yourself.

And, yeah, if you gang up on a flat earther who’s trying to make her points and interrupt her every sentence with “yeah, but FACTS!”, you’re about the dumbest Neanderthal to come crawling out of a cave this millennia (evolution is also bullshit, but its time is coming – let’s leave it for another time). Give her some fucking space to explain herself. If you aren’t the least bit open minded, you’re wasting everyone’s time.

Here’s the shocking truth. About 80% of the time, flat earthers stump their opponents and win the debate. It’s true. That doesn’t mean some of them don’t lose the debate, and in the case of Allegedly Dave, I gotta say… I love you buddy, but if you want to keep showing up to debates, you got to keep sharpening your saw, man.

Anyway, even a simpleton could figure out that there would be no need for a debate if there was any form of conclusive proof to show that the earth is the shape they’ve been saying it is for centuries (not from the beginning of time, as some claim – do your homework, asshole). BAM! There’s the picture of earth. Done. Closed. Finished.

Nope! It doesn’t exist. There’s no photo of earth. Even NASA admits that it’s pieced together by strips of data. Okay, so you’re saying you can send a fucking multi-Kelvin proof high resolution camera into space and send photos back to earth using high speed internet, but you can't get far enough out to take a decent picture of mother earth? Blow me.

By the way, what kind of secret government agency industrial strength internet connection have you got anyway? Because sometimes the fucking Starbucks WiFi craps out on me when there are more than three people in the café!

There’s a mountain of evidence showing that, at the very least, parts of the moon landing were faked. President Nixon takes a fucking phone call from space and there’s no delay? But now when you want to talk to astronauts on the space station, there’s a 30 second lag? Christ man, if you’re going to fake it, at least be consistent with your lies.

All that to say, if you’re going to participate in this discussion, you better not throw around the same bullshit everyone else throws around (the masthead of the ship disappears first…) because there’s a good chance there’s already a solid argument against it.

Don’t trust “debunked”

Whether it’s flu vaccines, flat earth or Zeitgeist: The Movie, there are “debunked” sites and videos for practically every conspiracy, or for that matter, slightly controversial topic you can name.

Joe Rogan couldn’t look like more of a dumbass when he tries to discredit flat earthers, because he just rehashes things he’s heard from “scientists” without looking into any of it (see previous point – do your own homework!). He has no clue what the arguments are. He just dismisses it as ridiculous outright – the same thing you see in the top results when you search for “flat earth” on Mr. Google or mistress YouTube. They want you to dismiss the topic altogether. Go no further. Full stop. This is bullshit.

This is no different when you look at a doc like Behind the Curve with Mark Sargent, who honestly does a piss poor job of representing the flat earth. I don’t know if he’s controlled opposition or some basement-bound nerd who saw an opportunity to gain notoriety, but the movie is doing the same thing Google is doing – trying to get you to dismiss the idea before you’re presented with evidence to explore for yourself. Yeah, you’re not allowed to make up your own mind about any of this.

Rogan used to be the man when it came to conspiracies. Now that he’s popular, suddenly he’s changed his tune. Do you trust a guy that can be bribed so easily? Well, I guess you must, because… look at who you elected.

The fact that you walk away from a “debunked” video satisfied that your research is complete, just goes to show you how intellectually bankrupt you are. You’ve got the attention span of a fishbowl, and you assume none of it ever affects your life, so what difference does it make anyway, right?

Well, if the 9 – 5 is serving you well, you like to binge watch Netflix at night, and you don’t mind being dead or broke by 65 (this is what the stats are saying, my sedentary friend), then fuck it. Be lazy. Don’t challenge your intellect. Bring out the Cheetos. It’s time to watch 12 episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond consecutively and pretend like we don't just bring the same scenarios into our daily lives. Arguably, that’s still a better use of your time than tweeting about the coronavirus like you’re the victim.

You can learn a thing or two

You can learn a thing or two from flat earthers, but only if you’re open minded. Fuck it if you don’t care and fuck it if you’re not going to do your own research.

I’ve said enough.

- Anderson