I’ve got to get some things off my chest.
And let’s be REAL about this. We’ve all got better things to do than to type up rants to explain the inner workings of the world to people who don’t even have the minds to understand them. They are so stuck in their ways, and so reliant on their fuckin’ upbringing that they never think anything new, try anything new, or allow anything new to come into their life.
For fuck’s sake, let yourself be challenged every now and again – it might make a difference where it counts, lazy boy – on your stomach, in your wallet, and the lives of the people who give a damn about your sorry ass.
I will stand and applaud if you make it to the end of this piece (I doubt you will), even if you could give two shits about what some mid-aged, white male in Seattle’s gotta say.
There’s no good place to start this, so fuck it, let me tackle the issues one by one.
If these are the end times, god is the worst scriptwriter ever
Look man, I would get it if there were fire-breathing dragons flying around, zombies crawling the planet, nuclear warfare breaking out across the world… Yeah, that would be good time for the fuckin’ almighty to step in. Bad ass.
But you’re going to sit there on your armchair philosophizer 2000 and tell me that the end times are near because we’ve been locked up for a year, you’re getting a little antsy, and you lost a few dollars (we all got that in common, broseph).
Things are shit in the States. So what? It’s been much worse. You and I are privileged.
But more to the point, you don’t give your god much credit, do ya? I can almost guarantee he’s in agreement with me here.
You’re a lazy shit. You don’t do anything. You don’t add value to the world. All you do is judge people from the comfort of your fuckin’ home when the big black book you read says judging is god’s business, but you self-righteously ordain yourself judge and jury, when you have no qualifications that anyone in their right mind would ever recognize.
And then you have the nerve to project your unbelief, your lack of “rightness” with god onto guys like me who did everything right in their career and retired early. The issue is with you, buddy.
And more to the point, fuck you. You don’t know the first thing about work ethic, and our forefathers would put me to fuckin’ shame. I’ve said it already. They knew pain, and it often lasted for years. All you’ve done is sit in your goddamn home for a year. Give me a break.
I’ve heard people say god has a sense of humor. I bet they are right. But I’m also guessing his sense of humor isn’t so poor that he’d force a solution on a problem we’re fully capable of solving. Righting of the world isn’t rocket science. We’ve just got to clear away the financial incentive for doing the right thing. Because people always seem to do the wrong thing where too much money is involved.
God would be a horrible scriptwriter if he sent Jesus back now. How stupid and boring would that be?
You don’t know me, asshole
Don’t make assumptions about me based on my colorful writing.
I ain’t no one special, and I don’t claim to be. I write shit (and though I do make my points, I don’t think I’m a good writer). I publish what I write occasionally. But I’d much rather be spending time with my family or playing some Floyd on my six-string in the den. I make for a piss poor Gilmour, but it passes the time, and it gives me something to do.
So, you toss your bullshit onto me without knowing the first thing about me. And this is really the first time I’ve revealed this much about myself. But some of it is obvious based on the last seven tomes I’ve dedicated to pieces of excrement like you.
Sure, let my language guide the way. Because that’s the measure of a human being, right? I have a family who would dare to disagree with you. Because I stand up for them, provide for them, and protect them.
You think I haven’t read a few books in my time? Give me a fuckin’ break. I will put your lazy ass to shame. And you want to come around here talking about some Lee Strobel preaching to the choir bullshit? You asshole…
Name calling solves nothing, but you raised my ire and there ain’t no punching bag around, so here we are. Eye of the tiger.
I’m not going to tell you to do your homework, because that would mean reading another seven pieces like this (in the archives), each of which will challenge your notions about god, life, and the universe. But hey, to each his own.
If you’re chicken shit, don’t read. If you’re out of your gourd like Pelosi, don’t read. Stay the way you are. Just do the world a favor and keep your damn thoughts to yourself. And keep the fuck away. Six feet please.
I’m living my purpose, man – what the hell are you doing?
So, you want to come around here wanting to rattle my cage. Good for you, man. And why do you think that’s important? Do you think I’m so disconnected from reality that I can’t see what’s going on?
Shit's gonna happen, but life’s gonna go on, anyway. I’ve still got a home, I’ve still got a family, and I’ve still got things to do. It’s boring as shit when I lay it out like that, but it gives my life purpose. And I’m living my fucking purpose. There's not an ounce of doubt in me.
Can you honestly say you’re living your purpose when you’re shaking diarrhea dribble in your boots? You’re just projecting your fear onto me, man. I ain’t your problem. You’re your own worst enemy.
Doing the good work by spreading the gospel, my man? Then maybe get to know people first.
In my profession, year after year, these moronic salespeople would come in. It wasn’t my job, I was in project management, but I’d tell them, “Hey, what the hell you doing? You can’t just sell to people the moment you get on the phone. You’ve got to build a relationship with them.”
And wouldn’t you know it, the sales team fucking upped their game. Sad about the turnover, because I found myself dipping my toe in their shit bowl every year, but oh well… I can be proud of what I did for the company. I spoke up when I saw something going on that just wasn't gonna fly.
The point is that if you want to sell your religion, maybe you should give two shits about the people you’re talking to.
Screaming “Jesus is the way” from the rooftops is more likely to get you escorted to the loony bin than to change anyone’s fucking mind about anything.
Christ.
I’m outta here, man. Good luck.
- Anderson
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